Hello my dear friend…
My Dear Eve… you are very much loved –and now that you’ve taken the decision of accepting God’s act of love in your life, even more. You’ve taking a very important decision; a decision that reconciles you with God your Father, but not necessarily with the image of the father.
You’ve been deeply hurt in your heart for what your earthly father did to you and to your family by abandon you all for another woman, in the time of greater need in your life. That broke the good and healty image of a father that we all ought to have twisting it into something painful, and unbearable. As I told you some years ago, the episode with your father left a very visible wound in your life, wound that Satan has been using to destroy you. Let me explain to you why and then you’ll se why all this is tied up with your relationship with any male.You see, your earthly father shapes your conception of God, and the way you relate with any other male. It doesn’t matter if you have a wonderful theology and learned that God is a Father who loves so dearly, if your earthly father mistreated you, you wont “feel” God as a loving Father; and, if you father caused you a very painful wounds, could cause you to reject the conception of God being a father at all. Why? Because it touches on the wound you have causing pain… That’s why philosophies of a God that is not a person but an energy seem so appealing when one have a wounded heart in this area.
I wish the consequences of a wounded relationship with our earthly father would end there, but no: it affects your relationships with men, and more closely with your husband (boyfriend, couple). How? Well, let me explain you how:
Emotional wounds usually have these elements:
1) You have the pain, the negative feeling that is stored in your heart because of what was done to you: feeling of lost, humiliation, abandonment, of not being loved, cared, appreciated, etc
2) You have the rancor. This is the negative feeling you get against the person that did the wrong to you (the feeling the she or he owes to you for what he-she did and needs to pay back). You may love the person, and still feel rancor against him (it weird but you still can have those contrary feeling for a person).
3) Negative expectancy: the emotional wound causes in you an expectation, a fear, that you will be hurt again in the same area.
4) You have the hypersensitivity: the feeling receptors in the wounded area raise their volume so anything done to you in the wounded area feels stronger… in other words: you become more susceptible, more easily hurt –again. For example, my sister, before her healing process, couldn’t stand me telling her to change her dress because she would run to her room crying. Or my wife, could’t stand me telling her “La tortilla se está quemando, quiatala de la estufa” without becoming angry because of her hurt: her mom, when a child and teenager would always be after her pestering her by telling her what to do and what not to do.
5) Distorted Perception: hypersensitivity and the negative expectations distort your perception. On one side it makes you interpret anything in accordance with your negative expectancy: even if a person meant no harm you interpret it as a harm. And on the other time it causes you not to receive that what is contrary to your negative expectation, for example if you are expecting rejection, it is built in you not to receive acceptance (neither from God nor from your neighbor human)…. So your vessel in this area is always empty.
6) “Mechanisms of expression”: the pain, the wound, look for ways to come out: revenge, destructive feelings, depression, etc. There are always symptoms (besides the ones mentioned).
7) Bitter judgments, declarations and inner-vows: not always, but most of the time the wounds are companied by judgments, declarations, generalizations and inner-vows. For example: if the little kid suffered the divorce of the parents because of her dad cheeting her mom with another woman, the little kid may judge her dad and men in general by saying (inwardly or spoken up): “men will be unfaithful and mess the relationships”… This works as a command that you and your body unconsciously obey. This is why we repeat the same pattern of behaviour that we hated from our parents, or end up with a person who has the same things we hated from our father –or mother.
What all this cause is that you look, unconsciously, for persons who fit your wounds. You reject or drive away the person who doesn’t give you what your negative expectation wants or who doesn’t fit with the generalization or judgment you’ve made; and draw close those who will hurt your again, for example, in the areas you father hurt you when a child. Of course, at the beginning of a relationship, all may seem pink color, but wounds find their way to spoil everything. You may tune the guy to behave the way your wound expects, or pick him in that way from the very beginning of the relationship (Most of the time the wounds hinders you from perceiving, in a conscious level, all those “signs” of danger in that that guy was “emanating”, while at the subconscious level you were attracted to him to those wounds).
Marriage is always a gamble, and it could have been just luck you ended up with a person cheated on you… but it is very unlikely due your background and the wounds inflicted in by your dad. Thus a crucial part in your process will be this: to forgive your father.
As an adult you may understand what your father did to you and your family, and even you can justify him. But you were hurt when little child, not as adult. Healing this implies to go back in time and revive those hurt episodes you had with your dad. In prayer you go to your Heavenly Father and tell him what felt, what you lived:
“Oh heavenly father, when I was a child our father left us… I felt abandoned, betrayed, that he didn’t love me nor his family…. But I forgive him, I forgive him for abandoning us, for nor caring for us, for not providing, for not showing us love, care or any consideration, for leaving my mom and on us a very heavy burden… I forgive him. Now forgive me Heavenly Father for the rancor against my Dad.”
The former is an example, a guide… but in this doesn’t end here. We have to brake also any judgment or declaration you’ve made due that episode:
“In the name of Jesus I cancel any judgment or declaration I may stated that ‘men are going to be unfaithful’ and that ‘they are going to ruin families’ or ‘to abandon their wives’, I cancel these judgments in my life in the name of Jesus. Amen”
You can go ahead and pray for all this… but when see you online, if you haven’t done it yet, I want to pray with you all this.
Remember what God wants to do in you is to recover the image of the father and to eliminate all the wounds you may have that contaminate your relationship with the opposite sex. He wants to heal you, and this is the first basic step.